During lunch at a work event a while ago our table was provided a list of questions which we were asked to discuss as a group. In general the questions were interesting, and served as excellent fodder for deeper discussions, and I give credit to the organizers for their selections. I also really liked the idea in general. Often times, conversations at work function meals consist of awkward formalities, generalities, and niceties, and go about as deep as a paper cut. There was one question however which really stuck in my craw, and inspired me to write this post. I do not recall the exact wording, but it basically asked us to provide our definitions of personal and professional success.

Most people have probably been asked this question or listened to someone answer it, and, most people, probably never gave a second thought to the serious problem which lies in the premise of it. The premise at the heart of the question is that we each have our own definition of success and therefore, any definition is the correct one for the person answering the question. So what? you might be asking yourself if you have not already clicked away or fallen asleep. Who cares and why does it matter? might be two other questions that come to mind for those people who have not totally tuned me out to focus on a cat video on You Tube playing in their other browser tab, or decided it was time for an early lunch so shut down their computers and headed out to Arbys. Well, for those people who have not clicked away, or moved to You Tube cat video, or gone to lunch, I will provide the answer to all three questions. First however, I will reduce the number of questions to two since so what and why does it matter are basically asking the same thing, but in slightly different ways. Now that we have made the task less onerous by one question, I will answer question 2 first. Hopefully you recall, though you probably do not, which is why I am providing this helpful reminder, that question number 2 was, who cares? I care and since I am the one writing this, that is really all that matters. That said, I hope to convince you, though I very much doubt I will, that you should care as well.

Let's return now back to question 1. Do you recall what question 1 was? No? Me neither, let me scan back through and have a quick look. Ah, I see, question 1 was the very probing and interesting question, so what? which I then combined with the second half of the former question 2, Why does it matter? These two combined questions, became the new question 1. So what, why does it matter? Got it. Good. Because I am confused as all get out. In any event it matters because a word, like success, which anyone can give their own definition too is essentially no word at all. It is nothing more than a placeholder. It has exactly as much meaning as a word which means nothing. For example, a word like eedbklll. It means nothing. Success is exactly like eedbklll except for the spelling which is of course very different. But, in terms of meaning, it is exactly the same as eedbklll. Wait, I already said that, didn't I? Well son of a eedbklll.

If you are an argumentative type you might be thinking, but Dan, why not just look up the definition of success in a dictionary? Certainly there you will find the correct definition? If you are thinking this, how dare you question me. Who do you think you are? I am in charge here, not you. You are here to read and to learn, not to challenge and think. What I write must be accepted unconditionally, and taken as truthful and as fact. And yes I realize that saying something is true and fact is redundant, and what did I tell you about thinking and challenging? Stop it. As a reminder, I do not have opinions, for once I say something it is a fact. What was I talking about again? Oh yes, the dictionary. Let's see what good old Johnny Def has to say about success. Good one, right? Johnny Def. Like Johnny Dep but with Def, short for definition. Get it? Of course you do. You are no dummy, unless you dare to question me, than you are dumb as a rock. Since I am too lazy to go to an actual dictionary I will simply cut and paste success into google and hit enter.

suc·cess /səkˈses/

noun

1. the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

"there is a thin line between success and failure"

2. ARCHAIC

the good or bad outcome of an undertaking.

"the good or ill success of their maritime enterprises"

Hmm. That was not at all helpful. Nice suggestion, dumb-dumb. That is exactly what happens when you challenge me. You end up looking like a fool and I end up looking like the goose that laid the golden egg, or something like that. In any event (fyi, in any event, is a Dan D. trademarked transitional phrase. It cannot be used by any other writer or speaker without his express written consent.), the definition of success in the dictionary is a definition which does not apply in the context of discussions at business lunches about ones personal and professional definition of success so......zzzz.zzzz.....zzzz......

What the heck? I just blacked out there for a moment. I was saying something about success and then I just, I don't know. Weird. But, I think it goes without saying that success has got to go. If something goes without saying, why do you have to say it then when describing that thing? Never understood that. So, are you convinced? Do you care? No? Well, can't say I didn't give it the old college try at least. And finally, what exactly is a maritime enterprise? Was that the aquatic version of the ship from Star Trek that sought to explore strange new worlds under water instead of in space? Or is it a reference to Star Trek IV the Voyage Home when an enclosure for a large earth whale of the past was built by Scotty and his team of engineers in the bowels of the Enterprise so that the whale might be beamed onboard and then brought to the future to reply to an alien spacecraft which had visited earth in the past and communicated with whales and was destroying the current planet earth since whales had long since gone extinct? Star Trek IV also had that awesome scene where those two "urban" youths are blasting rap music on a public bus and the people on the bus are too scared of the rowdy young men to do anything about it though they all clearly hate rap so Spock gives them both the Vulcan nerve pinch sending them collapsing to the ground at which point Kirk simply turns the boombox off silencing the hated rap music and seriously injuring two innocent young men for no real reason in the process. Classic. My vote is it is the aquatic Star Trek thing. What say you?

Best article ever. Danny boy, you knocked it out of the park again. lol!